Wednesday's METRO covered the "virtual funeral" that was held in World of Warcraft in remembrance of some mad Chinese lass who kicked the bucket after playing hacky-slashy non-stop for 284 days.
Yes indeedy, lots of brave warriors, wart-addled trolls and busty maidens got together at a designated location to hold the "crouch" button and listen to some gleeb type a few choice words; "Bye Bye LumpHammer Lou, we'll miss you. Hope you remember to eat a sandwich and have a glass of pop in the next world".
However, METRO wasn't happy just to report on this melancholy phenomenon; they had to do their civic duty and shine a righteous light on the pernicious activity that is modern gaming!
Brace yerself Bridget, here we go!
ADDICTIVE POWER OF GAMESGAMING can be as addictive as drugs, an expert warned yesterday. Dr John Marsden, a senior lecturer in addictive behaviour at King's college, London, said excitement caused by gaming can cause a reaction in the brain similar to having a fix.
Players can immerse themselves so deeply in games they forget to look after their body's daily needs, he said. Obsessed gamers should 'take a long break' from playing if they found it was affecting their health or social relations.
Phew. This calls for two bravos.
Bravo John Marsden! Not for talking through your hole like you do here, but for getting to be a senior lecturer in addictive behaviour. What I wouldn't give! "Yo, Dean! I'm off to study ratemyboobies.com and eat pizza for two years. Gimme a fat grant!"
Bravo METRO! Way to help John get his important message out there! Last time I went to visit my friend Maurice, we cranked up Super Mario Kart on his old SNES. JUST as I hit the accelerate button, I noticed a sensation not unlike having a syringe of heroin shoved into my anus. Only now does it make sense! My doctor claims it's chronic hemorroids, but I'm going with METRO on this one.
And it is true about body neglect! We played four tournaments and I stupidly picked Donkey Kong as my driver. His lack of speed and bad handling on corners meant I took ages to complete each circuit; when I eventually collapsed in a drugged-out tender-rumped stupor, it dawned on me that I needed the bathroom! ALL THAT TIME I NEEDED A NUMBER ONESIE BUT THE GAME TOOK OVER.
For those who don't live in Dublin, METRO is a free newspaper which is handed out to hapless pedestrians and motorists by those doing early-morning community service. Ideal for the elderly and the low-wattage.
"Ha ha ha! I love my free METRO. First I read it, then I use it to clean up when I go whoopsies."
Comments (1)
cracking stuff!
Posted by bob | June 27, 2007 3:33 PM
Posted on June 27, 2007 15:33