Curry Chips

Oh embarrassador, with these sumptuous shows you are spoilink uzz.

In case you're one of the many who spend Friday nights mopping up the sick outside Star bingo in Crumlin and watch the Late Late repeat around teatime on a Tuesday, let Snackbox Diaries guide you through tonight's award-winning episode.

First up! The so-bad-you-bite-your-knuckles Russian chick from Fair City. She fartskis on for about four minutes, so you could chance a quick dump and maybe a cream cracker'n'jam.

Next up! Brian Kennedy singing "Every time I sing this song it's a cry for help". AVOID. Jesus, you don't need me to tell you that when you see Mr.Two-pounds-of-shite-in-a-one-pound-bag, you turn the fucking telly off.

Now's the time to make sure you have the muggatay and the packa hobnobs.

Yes indeed folks, Snackbox Diaries is unspeakably proud to present the epic tale of.....

The epic tale of one tuber's struggle to survive in 1840s Ireland.

Step 1! Go to www.finegael.ie

Step 2! GET YORE HAND OFFA THAT MOUSE! And check out Enda's promise-o-rama!

Step 3! Read on.

It's the story that refuses to lie down, roll over or play dead. Yes, Dan Brown is back with an explosive new book that blows the lid on the supposed death of Hitler's German Shepherd.

"It's bollocks", Brown passionately avers. "History would have us believe that Blondi died with Hitler and Eva Braun in a bizarre triple suicide pact - I'm here to tell you that this is simply not the case. Blondi survived the war and lived to a ripe old age in Buenos Aires."

Elected representatives from across the political divide united earlier today to give their support to "National Toe Awareness" day.

Saturday night, just after 11pm: a phonecall is made from Athens to Ireland....

Nurse Callaghan: "....certainly Brian, I'll go get her now."
Brian: "Ach, thanks, you're too good."
Ma Kennedy: "HALLO! Who's this?"
Brian: "Ma, it's me, it's Brian!"
Ma Kennedy: "Oh! You. So then! Didjer win that song contest thing?"
Brian: "Ah Mam, did you not watch it on the telly? Did you not make the effort for me?"
Ma Kennedy: "Nah! They don't let us watch no more telly in here. Not since some bubblehead nurse left Ernie Timmons in front of the Late Late last Friday and forgot to wheel him back to his bed. He lasted two hours before gouging his eyes out with a spork."