Curry Chips

Ah-widda toora-loora-laddee, an' a toora-loora-lay [hic!] YES SOR! Tis time for to present snippets from a boner fido classic which had thus far scuttled by under me radar; the windswept dung-spattered epic "Far and Away" starring an Oirisher-than-Sean-Thornton Tom Cruise.

[Tom is in the top field planting potatoes and flinging the occasional country pancake out to sea. Tom's brothers Sneaky and Fatty approach]
Fatty: "You're wannadem bollockses."
Tom: "Bedad and I am not."
Sneaky: "Y'are and more! And yer spuds'll get the mould. And them what survives the mould will only be good for makin' the crinkly chips."
Tom: "YOU TAKE DAT BACK!"
[Tom clouts the two of them with turf nunchuks; a neighbour approaches on horseback]
Neighbour: "Lads! Don't be fightin' outta ye now! The fadder is dead and he laid out in the house!"
Tom: "Jaysus."

All apologies to "Pure Mule" (superlative drama recently repeated on RTE).

Shamie: "Scobie, wouldjevoh head on down theyoh an' throw a bihha gravel beside thah line."
Scobie: "Thah line?"
Shamie: "Aye, thah line."
Scobie: "Dunno abou' thah now."
Shamie: "Whahya mean yah doe know?"
Scobie: "Thaha be line renewal."
Shamie: "Line renewal? Thass line maintenance ya big daw!"
Scobie: "Harassment like thah will get you nowhere today bossman."
Shamie: "Scobie. Yer juss evenin' up the gravel beside thah line! If thah isn't line maintenance then whah is?"
Scobie: "I'd have tah...consult me manual abouh thah."
Shamie: "Forget the fuckin' manual and just sort it willyah?"
Scobie: "Whooaah bossman. Yer mucky boots just crossed a line there."

[Scobie flings down his shovel and stomps off to meet his union representative]

More [weary sigh]

Snackbox Diaries is thrilled silly to announce the immediate availability of AbuseOS, the latest release from the volatile Twinksoft corporation.

Fabalass news from the CSO! It's 2006 and unwitting tourists by the wheelbarrow are flocking to our shores to clamp their damp gropers on traditional Irish activities the like of:

The Ryder cup today found itself embroiled in a whiskery beer-stained nudy romp controversy as Tiger Woods reacted furiously to news that former Dubliner Ronnie Drew was performing a "lewd" show in the Irish capital called "She's looking grrrrreat!" - centering on Tiger's lovely wife Elin Nordegren.

The musician and raconteur claims he's got "candid snaps of the sweaty-palmed variety" of Mrs.Woods which form the backdrop of his live show. He also claims that the songs were written over the "dozen-or-so" years that he spent as a houseguest of Mr and Mrs Woods - claims that Tiger sensationally denies.

Parents! Losing sleep because of noisy urchins?

Then shut them the hell up with new NOAH syrup!