Chris De Burgh has sensationally claimed that he can cure people. Addressing a packed press conference in Carlow yesterday, Mr De Burgh described how he lets the body hang for eight days in a well-ventilated area before applying a good salt/sugar mix and leaving it for another two days in the smokehouse. He then...
Wait. Sorry, wrong Chris.
Chris De Burgh has sensationally claimed that he can cure people! Addressing a packed press conference in Carlow yesterday, Mr De Burgh said that he helped a West Indian man to walk again by applying the healing power of his boot to the fellow's bottom. "You should have seen him go", De Burgh said, "praising the Lord as he ran".
Fellow cheese titan Johnny Logan has rubbished the claims, labelling De Burgh "a fuckin' ape". He also claimed that De Burgh must have been "high on emulsion" during the press conference, adding "geddit?" and wiggling his eyebrows.
About Chris De Burgh
Chris De Burgh first hit the charts in the mid-70s with "Spanish tummy", which he wrote during a sojourn in the Costa del Sol. He enjoyed greater success with "A spaceman met a traveller", which was based on the famous UFO landing rumoured to have taken place in Rathkeale, Co.Limerick.
His most famous song is "Lady in red", which described his penchant for exploiting bankrupt women. Seedier times lay ahead when he wrote a song for his children's nanny which included inappropriate lines like "Blonde hair,blue jeans, collar'n'cuffs, if yer know what I mean".
About Johnny Logan
Johnny Logan brought fame and respect to his native Ireland by helping it to win the Eurovision three times. Emergency legislation prevented him from ever opening his big yap on these shores again, so he found himself forced to take up residency abroad.
Like a turd in a blocked u-bend, Johnny just keeps on popping up; his latest incarnation is with Belgian bump'n'grinder Kaye Styles. Their unholy alliance has produced "Don't cry", a request rendered largely impossible due to the eye-bleeding awfulness of the video (in which Johnny resembles a white leather couch with a head and clicky fingers).
Comments (5)
Curses, it's King u-bend Jack-in-the-box himself. In fairness, not a bad for a man who sleeps standing up in his wellies alongside the cows. Still, here's to another 6 weeks between posts. Maybe we'll be actually allowed forget about Chris and Johnny this time.
Posted by Knobbie | October 20, 2006 10:56 AM
Posted on October 20, 2006 10:56
Fucking brilliant man. Inspired stuff! But those videos are scary.
Posted by Dave | October 20, 2006 12:12 PM
Posted on October 20, 2006 12:12
at least get Chris De Burgh's song titles right if you are going to slate him. "A Spaceman came Travelling" and "Spanish Train".
Posted by John Partridge | November 16, 2006 11:16 AM
Posted on November 16, 2006 11:16
Ah John. I wasn't trying to slate holy-handed hairyboy.
If I was, I would have made a point of mentioning that appalling song he wrote about Zachary Bowen feasting on Addie Hall.
"Lady in redneck" was an incredibly ill-judged attempt to cash in on a tragic sequence of events.
De Burgh should never be allowed forget it.
Posted by Nat King Coleslaw | November 16, 2006 2:36 PM
Posted on November 16, 2006 14:36
AUTHOR: Eoin O'Mercedes
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DATE: 11/16/2006 03:53:34 PM
Posted by Eoin O'Mercedes | November 16, 2006 3:53 PM
Posted on November 16, 2006 15:53