NKC: "Lads, you must be thrilled. 'The Lovely Bum' is number one with a bullet in Norway, and they can't seem to get enough of it in Finland. So tell me - an album about the humble bottom. How did it come about?"



Shane seemed eager to answer this. A Sligo native, Shane has long struggled to overcome his bizarre similarity to Mr.Tayto.
Shane: "Well, we've always wanted to show the seedier side of Westlife. A lot of people think we're all saccharine ballads and mushy mammary-nuzzled pap, but...well, y'know an onion yeah?"
NKC: "I do."
Shane: "Well, we're like an onion. We have many layers that you peel away and-"
NKC: "You bring tears to the eye and belong in the ground."
Shane: "Yeah! Now you're getting it."
NKC: "Right. I can't help noticing that the theme of flatulence runs through the album, with some very interesting cover versions: 'Careless whisper', 'In the air tonight', 'We gotta get out of this place'. Whose decision was it to drop 'Big Log' on there?"



Nicky handled this one, the epitome of smug after recently fertilising an Ahern egg.
Nicky: "That was me. I know you wouldn't think it, but I'm a big Robert Plant fan. 'Addicted to love' is class."
Kian: "BOUNCY BOOBS."



Kian Egan, the brains of the outfit, seemed eager to contribute.
Kian: "MAN, THAT'S MY FAVOURITE MUSIC VIDEO. THAT, OR THE LAST 'FIFTY CENTS' ONE WHERE YOUR WAN SLAPS HIM ACROSS THE FACE WITH HER OILY KNOCKERS."
NKC: "Kian, how do you reconcile your buddhist beliefs with the new raunchy Westlife?"
Kian: "BUDDHISM ROCKS. NO MORE MASS ON A SUNDAY, AND LITTLE BALDY FAT MAN IS COOL WITH ME SINGING ABOUT BUMS."
NKC: "I see."
Kian: "SURE ISN'T A BOTTOM ONLY THE TOP OF TWO LEGS COMING TOGETHER."
Shane: "Eh..."
Kian: "IT ISN'T EVEN THE BOTTOM OF YOUR BODY. THAT'S YOUR FEET."
Shane: "Kian..."
Kian: "HOYAH, MCFATTIE HAD SOME HAIRY ARSE ON HIM! TWAS LIKE A PAIR OF SIAMESE WOOKIES."
Shane [loudly clearing his throat]: "KIAN did some fantastic cowbell work on this album. Also, he travels a lot and likes to immerse himself in the local musical culture. This led to him bringing lots of exotic instruments to the studio like the Indonesian timpani and the Botswanan bongos."
[Kian beams proudly]
NKC: "Gas. All instruments that you thump or shake. You really are the George Harrison of the band, eh Kian?"
Kian: "I LOVE PLAYING THE CONCUSSION!"
Shane: "Hooray the Kian man!"
Nicky: "Kian rocks!"
[Shane and Nicky exchange knowing looks]
NKC: "Lovely. Now Mark, I know I was warned not to ask you anything but 'The lovely bum', eh? I'll bet they would have needed a crowbar to keep a hardened bugger like you out of the studio when-"

At this point, Nat King Coleslaw was hit from behind. The last thing he remembers is Kian thumping him with maracas.

"The Lovely Bum" is in shops now.