It is with tinselly testes that Snackbox Diaries presents its Christmas record purchasing assistance guide!
Yes. Yes yes.
Who out there can stand up and say "I would rather find a mound of stir-fried turkey vomit in my stocking than any of these"?
First up, the ever reliable Declan Nerney. Always one to court controversy, this Christmas sees Declan aiming for the niche "Regretful post-op trannie" market.
In "I wanna love as a man again", Declan sings from the heart as one who wishes he could turn back time and fend off that crotch-bound scalpel.
Featuring "They nip'n'tuck my fun away", "Stand by your little man" and the hit single "How can I make merry when I've no twig and berries", this one will make your guests drop their mulled wine and give each other that "Lets get the fuck out of here" look.
Another perennial yuletide favourite, Phil Coulter has taken time out from grilling his face to deliver another magnum opus to get your pulse racing.
From the man who gave us "Sea of Tranquility", "Celtic Tranquility", "Scottish Tranquility", "Classic Tranquility", "Tranquility: The Piano Solos", "Tranquility Gold", "American Tranquility", "Timeless Tranquility", "A Touch of Tranquility", "Peace and Tranquility" and "Tranquility Classics"...[deep breath]...comes "Braindeath Tranquility".
Yet another unmissable slab of plinky-plonky soporific sludge to accompany the doling out of Sunday lunch up and down the country. Don't get caught short without it!
And finally! After years of whiskery poteen-addled rabble-rousing shanties, who would begrudge these three big lovable man-bears from finally producing their "honest" album.
"You can't beat a good big cock" sees Noel, Tommy and Brian hold forth on the infinite pleasures to be had from the humble spam javelin. Or "bata feoil" as Peig would have called it.
All are in the shops now, so get out there and bring money!
Declan Nerney
Sea of Tranquility
Celtic Tranquility
Scottish Tranquility
Classic Tranquility
Tranquility:The Piano Solos
Tranquility Gold
American Tranquility
Timeless Tranquility
A Touch of Tranquility
Peace and Tranquility
Tranquility Classics
The Wolfe Tones
Comments (7)
Well, that's Auntie Brian's pressie sorted!
Posted by insomniac | December 15, 2006 8:59 AM
Posted on December 15, 2006 08:59
Shit man, I thought you were messing about the Phil Coulter 'Tranquility' series.
Posted by Elimare | December 15, 2006 8:59 AM
Posted on December 15, 2006 08:59
Encore Encore
Posted by Snarf | December 15, 2006 11:29 AM
Posted on December 15, 2006 11:29
Dung. Little word-sized pellets of dung flinging themselves from the page and burning searing holes of shit through my eyes and out the back of my head. Dung of Tranquility. Sea of Dung. Dung Gold. You Can't Beat a Good Lump of Dung. Fucken shit.
Posted by Knobbie | December 18, 2006 1:29 PM
Posted on December 18, 2006 13:29
Jeh know wah knobbie? Every time you click a snackbox link, you add to my hitcount.
And every time my hitcount reaches 20, Bill Gates sends me a donut.
I like donuts.
Posted by Nat King Coleslaw | December 18, 2006 1:42 PM
Posted on December 18, 2006 13:42
now now knobbie. hobbit rage makes the baby jesus cry.
Posted by damien | December 18, 2006 3:33 PM
Posted on December 18, 2006 15:33
Auntie Brian would love it, how about you and Auntie Brian have a dance, in private, down in the basement. It wont hurt until the pain.
Posted by Auntie Brian | December 19, 2006 5:58 PM
Posted on December 19, 2006 17:58