
Yes indeedy, it is with great pleasure and both hands in his pockets that Nat King Coleslaw welcomes a guest-written nipple-tensing account of another scintillating Seagal adventure!
Take it away, fungalgroat!
Fans everywhere rejoiced today when it was announced that Steven Seagal's latest movie, "On Deadly Ground 2: Shell To Sea", will be released straight to DVD in time for the Christmas market.
"On Deadly Ground 2" sees Seagal reprise his role as mystical martial artist/environmental agent Forrest Gump...er Taft. After kicking (and punching) the EVIL Oil Company (Every-Villaine Industries & Lubricants) off the lands of the Alaskan natives in the first movie, Taft thinks his work is done. That is until one night, while meditating in his sweat lodge, he receives a vision of a mysterious little man in a green suit who shows him that the EVIL Oil Company is once again up to its old tricks and is threatening the sacred lands of another native people.
So begins a spiritual journey that will lead Taft to the West of Ireland, where he is hampered by a pro-corporate police force, weather that would make the Red Spot of Jupiter seem like a dogfart and a post-Celtic tiger public transport system. His only allies, the local natives, become paralysed by superstitious fears about mysterious odours coming from the direction of an offshore island, compounded by reports on the sighting by local fishermen of a ship named "The Elisabeth Viking", a ship which had disappeared at sea under mysterious circumstances nearly 200 years ago.
Ultimately Taft realises that he must stand alone against forces of darkness, red tape and corruption like none he has ever before encountered.
Directed by John Carpenter and co-starring Maggie Grace, this is one that everyone should have on their Christmas shopping list this year.

Comments (2)
Fungalgroat and Nat King Coldsore are like Ant and Dec, but shitter.
Posted by Knobbie | December 13, 2006 2:57 PM
Posted on December 13, 2006 14:57
How Dare You Fiend Make Fun Of Mr Seagal Death is the only Penalty Acceptable Of your Crime Against Humanity. DIE DIE DIE Van Damme Style
Posted by Jean Claude Van Damme | December 20, 2006 12:53 AM
Posted on December 20, 2006 00:53