[Anakin and Obi-wan look at each other before creasing up with laughter]
Anakin: "Haha! 'Dooky!' Stupid Grievous!"
Obi-Wan [snort]: "Oh, careful Anakin! He might squeeze himself and make a quacking noise!"
Grievous: "SILENCE! I meant Count Dooku, offf course. Now preepare too DIE!"

[Grievous pulls out four different-coloured lightsabres and begins swirling them about]



Obi-Wan: "I say. How pretty."
Anakin: "Oh yeah? Watch THIS!"
[Anakin pulls out his lightsabre and leaps into the air, landing in front of Grievous]




Anakin: "Time for you to feel the power of a true Jedi, Grievous."
[Anakin presses his lightsabre button, causing a plastic daffodil to extend from the handle]




Grievous: "HO HO HO. Did you say 'powerr' or 'flowerr'?"
Anakin: "WHAT!? What manner of trickery is this?!"
Obi-Wan: "Sorry Anakin, but I had to activate parental controls on that thing. You caused a frightful amount of damage the other evening when you sliced the television in half."
[Grievous guffaws in the background]
Anakin: "THAT WAS BECAUSE THERE WERE TOO MANY AD-BREAKS DURING 'THE X-WING FACTOR'!"




Obi-Wan: "Well and good Anakin, but those wide-screen sets cost money you know."
[Grievous guffaws even more, bringing on a coughing fit]
Anakin: "HOW CAN I STRIKE MY FOES DOWN WITH THIS?!" [waggling daffodil]
Obi-Wan: "Well, you should have thought of that before you attacked that chap who was advertising Cillit bloody Bang."




[Grievous coughs on, struggling for air]
Grievous: "Oh-" [wheeze] "-please stop. You are keelling me here!"
Anakin: "SHUT UP!"
[Anakin launches himself at Grievous and thwacks him about the head with the daffodil; this makes Grievous laugh even more]
Grievous: "Ho ho ho ho! When did Morrissey join thee Jedi?"
Anakin: "SHUT UP!"
Grievous: "Oh look, it's 'Revenge of the Smith'!"
Anakin: "I SAID SHUT UP!"
[Grievous' laughter leads to a heavier coughing fit; he eventually keels over]
Obi-Wan: "Good job Anakin! Flower power comes out on top again."
[Anakin sulks]




[later; Anakin is reunited with Padme]
Padme: "Oh Annie! Snooky-pootle-doodums! I missed you!"
Anakin: "I missed you too. But there's a storm a-raging inside this here mullet."
Padme: "A storm you say? Will our love not conquer this storm? Or maybe a good umbrella?"
Anakin: "No umbrella will make the Jedi council realise how powerful I am. And I really dislike Mace Windu. His skin colour is not like ours Padme; us whities should stick together to prevent the black folk from becoming too powerful."
Padme: "Not racism Annie!? You're breaking my heart!"
Anakin: "And Obi-Wan is jealous of me!"
Padme: "Insecurity Annie? This is getting worse."
Anakin: "I hate them all! Conehead too! I'm sick of Conehead. If he calls me half-head one more time, I swear I'll-" [thwacks table with plastic daffodil]
Padme: "Not another tantrum! I'm out of here."




[later; Anakin meets Palpatine in his private chambers]
Palpatine: "Thanks for coming in. Coffee?"
Anakin: "Do you have sunny delight?"
Palpatine: "No. How about a lollipop?"
Anakin: "Okay."
Palpatine: "Anyway. I know how disillusioned you are with the Jedi council. I heard about the daffodil."
Anakin: "You did?"
Palpatine: "Indeed. And still you managed to clout Grievous with it. Your power grows; you must realise that they're trying to hold you back."
Anakin: "Oh, I know. And that Mace Windu is only on the council because they were forced to elect a token black person. It should be me!"
Palpatine: "You're right, son!"
Anakin: "And Yoda - he's only a muppet."
Palpatine: "Yes, yes! I feel your anger!"
Anakin: "Ummm...please remove your hand from my thigh, Chancellor."
Palpatine: "I apologise. That was inappropriate. But listen to me Anakin - the dark side is a pathway to many abilities that some consider unnatural. Behold!"
[Palpatine points to a nearby roadway; drivers and motorbike couriers vie for space]
Anakin: "Oooh, I hate those couriers! They would consider it a pleasure to run you down as you tried to cross the street."
[Palpatine waves his hand; a length of piano-wire extends across the roadway, decapitating several couriers]
Anakin: "Way cool!"




[later; after confronting Palpatine in his office, Mace Windu stands over him with his big pink lightsabre in his hand. Anakin stands nearby, all emotionally-conflicted]
Palpatine: "I'm rather uncomfortable with you shoving that thing in my face."
Windu: "Save it, Chancellor! You're under arrest. Yo, Def Leppard. Pass me my wallet."
Anakin: "Which one?"
Windu: "The one that says BAD MUTHAF-"
Anakin: "Oh, NOT THE PULP FICTION GAG AGAIN! I'VE HEARD IT A THOUSAND TIMES!"
Windu [crestfallen]: "I still think it's funny."
Anakin: "You black people think you're hilarious. Well you're not! You're all the same!"




[Palpatine takes advantage of Windu's gob-smackedness to lightning-shove him out the window]




Palpatine: "So it's out the window with Windu."
Anakin: "Now THAT's funny."




[later; Obi-Wan and Yoda survey the destruction in the Jedi academy]
Obi-Wan: "I say. What a frightful mess. Eugh, bother. Someone's gone and killed all the younglings."
Yoda: "Indeed. Yess. To the library, must we go."
Obi-Wan: "You suspect the perpetrator to be hiding in the library?"
Yoda: "No. In the library shall you find a dictionary. But in the dictionary shall you not find the word 'youngling'. Duckling, yes. Youngster, yes. Youngling, no."




[later; Obi-Wan and Anakin battle each other on the volcanic lava planet]
Anakin: "You're fuckin' toast now, master."
Obi-Wan: "Ha! Give it up Anakin, I have the high ground."
Anakin: "Never! I am all powerful!"
Obi-Wan [sigh]: "Listen potatohead, I'm now going to repeat the advice I gave when you started schtupping that princess: this jump will cost you an arm and a leg."
Anakin: "HASO!"
[Obi-Wan delivers his best golfswing and de-limbs Anakin]




Obi-Wan: "Told you. And you were the chosen one! Not any more though. Whaddya think of that then, Darth Stumpy?"
Anakin: "IHATECHOO! IHATECHOO!"
Obi-Wan: "Gesundheit!"




Anakin: "I'LL GETCHOO! IT'S ONLY A FLESH WOUND!"
Obi-Wan: "Liar liar, stumps on fire. Toodle-pip!"




[later; the Emperor has shoved Anakin's torso into a natty black number complete with James Earl Jones voicebox]
Emperor: "RIIIIIISE, LORD VADER."
Anakin: "..."
Emperor [nudging Anakin]: "That's you, moron."
Anakin: "Oh! Sorry. HEY - what's with my voice. I sound like...." [glancing down at new limbs] "...OH MY GOD I'M BLACK!"
Emperor: [sighs]
Anakin: "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO...."