File photo of Foot (left) and Mouth (right)
A UK-wide ban on the export of all dim-witted individuals is in place after American authorities moved to contain an outbreak of Foot and Mouth in the Los Angeles area.
ASK ME BROWN
Prime Minister Gordon Brown vowed to work ''day and night'' to determine how "nightmarishly vapid" British individuals like David and Victoria Beckham came to be exported to the United States to enjoy a "lavish, celebrity" lifestyle - despite the fact that they can hardly count to ten and exhibit a highly contagious strain of vacuousness.
DEVASTATION
Congressman with special responsibility for agriculture Todd Toddington has said that this has the potential to "completely devastate" the indigenous agriculture industry.
LUDICROUS BOBBLERS
His worst fears are for cattle in the wider Southern California area that become infected. Heifers shed most of their weight while allowing their udders to grow to "ludicrous proportions".
THE HEAD ON THAT
Bullocks are rendered incapable of anything other than charging at tussocks in a neverending quest to adopt increasingly ludicrous hairstyles.
MOO? MEH.
Toddington added: "It's tragic. Heifers are normally like...'Moo'. In no length of time, they're like 'Meh'".
The Beckhams were destroyed once authorities were alerted, but all Los Angeles can do now is sit and pray that the dreaded contagion does not spread.
More on this as details emerge.
Comments (5)
I *heart* Nat
Posted by nige | August 10, 2007 10:22 AM
Posted on August 10, 2007 10:22
a gem sir.
Posted by Slaphead | August 10, 2007 11:00 AM
Posted on August 10, 2007 11:00
Wonderful, as ever.
Posted by Quint | August 10, 2007 4:45 PM
Posted on August 10, 2007 16:45
Dear God,
Thank you for creating his Natship.
Rudy.
Posted by Rudy | August 13, 2007 8:25 AM
Posted on August 13, 2007 08:25
As world leaders in vapidity,(the Beckhams that is, not the cows) I think La-La land is the best place for them...
Posted by sugs | August 14, 2007 11:51 PM
Posted on August 14, 2007 23:51