Curry Chips

Once there was a craftsman who had a beautiful daughter.

Now it happened that he got pie-eyed one day and steered his mount unsteadily through the countryside before ploughing into the king's carriage. The king was most unhappy and ordered that the man be hanged and his goolies fed to the buzzards.

"O", said the man, "hang me not for I have a daughter who can spin straw into gold".

"That is an art which pleases me well", said the king, "now be off with you and bring her here tomorrow".

"Here, to where the collision occurred, O that is most strange", said the bruised sot.

"No, you cabbage, to my palace", said the king.

Make Brian pretty again!

So it initially looks and sounds like Benny Hill does Deliverance.

35 seconds in, y'all better be holdin' onto y'all seats.

Ronald, I'd doff my hat if I had one.

Ronald's Youtube channel: http://www.youtube.com/user/ronaldjenkees
Ronald's homepage: http://www.ronaldjenkees.com/

While hoovering naked last night, I slipped on some catfood and went arse over tit and the strangest thing happened with the nozzle and I ended up unable to move and had to make do with watching TV until the hoover's motor burnt out.

It wasn't so bad cause I got to catch up on the soaps!

Cecilia Tanner needs her driveway redone, but can't decide on what shade of cement will look best.

Playhouse plum? Grape thistle? Imperial stone?

Meanwhile, Bob and his gang wait for the nod, charging by the hour.

Will Cecilia come to a decision or will she procrastinate and simper her way through Daddy's inheritance?

What the critics say:

"Knightley delivers two rump-numbing hours of a truly Oscar-worthy simper"; Oscar Trout, Guardian

"TEN OUT OF TEN STARS! I LAUGHED, I CRIED, I TOOK A CALL ON MY PHONE"; Peter Cardigan, FHM

"Lofty was my favourite even though he talks like a poof and is afraid of Spud when he could so easily just pick him up and smash him into a wall repeatedly heh heh great stuff that'd liven things up somewhat now next we have-"; Dave Fanning, 2FM


"A ton o' cement" is in cinemas now.

Far be it from me to stick the boot into a man when he's down, but you really can't expect to have your mug plastered all over the papers plugging Samsung tellies (with a hilarious "I'm converted" gag) and not expect some "internet messer" to pick up on it.

Apologies for the poor quality, but it was scanned from a newspaper.

So then, potatoshoppers. What else do you think RoRo is watching on his telly?