Hoyah but new year's eve on RTE telly was only mighty.
I had no control over the remote but I bloody well didn't need it, let me tell you. Why would you want anything else other than to have Marty Whelan thrill you to your very core with another smashing instalment of Celebrity Jigs'n'Reels?
Oh! But what a lineup of Celebrities.
* Goggle-Eyed Funny Man Jon Kenny!
* Sassy Columnist And Ample-Breasted Socialite Amanda Brunker!
* Some Lad From TG4 Who Works The Canteen!
* Other Folk!
And the judges. Oh the judges.
* Lunar Landscape-faced Whiskery Colin!
* Seeny-Sauny out of Riverdance who lives on cottage cheese and ryvita!
* Custardy Stay Puft Anything Goes Man George Hook!
It was a joy to watch these plucky celebrities bring the medium of Irish dance into modern times like never before.
Shapes were thrown to Blink 182-style US shouty rock! Shapes were thrown to Aphex Twin & Phillip Glass' "Icct Hedral"!
The technique mightn't have been 100% but there was no denying that their hearts were in it, God bless their little cotton socks.
All the while Marty kept us in thrall with his snowy pate and hot port moustache.
Well, heh heh, with all the fun we were having we almost forgot the bloody countdown!
Not Marty, the consummate professional. He muscled through a pack of non-celebrity hoofers to go from 10 to 1 in some style!
Balloons descended as if by magic. Confetti cannons popped dramatically. Singing duties were handed over to some dulcet-toned wonder whose hair receded a full inch during his scrote-shrivelling performance in an ultimately futile attempt to get off his head.
Don't lose the run of yourself now. It wasn't all fun and games, no. These celebrities could have been elsewhere quaffing French Champagne and snorfing down Fancy Oysters. Instead they were out there, providing their services for free for A Good Cause.
Heart-rending footage was shown of wet beggars, toes poking through shoes and dead cats. All of us at home went "Awwww thass terrible like!".
That was when Celebrity Jigs'n'Reels blew our rubber-ducky expectations right outta the bath by giving us huge sugary feel-food footage of our huge-hearted celebrities handing over huge plastic cheques to representatives from such worthy causes as The Mendicant Umbrella Company, Clondalkin Cat Care and "Shoe You Awful Hoor!" Community.
A tear crept down my gnarly cheek, loitered on my moustache and came to rest on my chin. I wiped it away. However, the blight of poverty, ganky shoes and feline fatalities cannot be wiped away so easily. That is why the light of Celebrity Jigs'n'Reels must never be allowed to go out.
God bless Marty, the judges, the celebrities and all involved. May 2008 bring them peace, prosperity and more column inches. I already want it to be over so I can enjoy it all over again next time!
Comments (7)
At least they didn't give the prize to the wrong contestant...which means....I watched it!
Posted by 73man | January 3, 2008 2:24 PM
Posted on January 3, 2008 14:24
When I saw Jon Kenny in the ad I thought "Jesus, Dave Fanning has really let himself go".
Posted by Green Ink | January 3, 2008 3:54 PM
Posted on January 3, 2008 15:54
You're bang on, 73man - Marty gave the honours to the wrong guy. He's either behind the ejaculating Brunker in the piccy above or to her right.
Did you see they photoshopped Bridie Buttermilk into the shot? All the other desperadoes have a sunny sheen about them, but Bridie has the oily complexion of a woman who's seen too many studio lights while she debases herself during another sleazy episode of "Mooney goes wild".
I also didn't know that whiskery Colin was so short. George Hook may have eaten his feet.
Posted by Nat King Coleslaw | January 4, 2008 10:46 AM
Posted on January 4, 2008 10:46
Jesus, that's the worst photoshop job ever. It looks more like a Terry Gilliam cartoon.
Posted by Shane H | January 4, 2008 11:28 AM
Posted on January 4, 2008 11:28
Nat: I often wondered if "Mooney Goes Wild on One" was the best porn flick name never to be made into a flick? Bridie's complexion certainly looks like Mooney went wild on this one.
Posted by 73man | January 7, 2008 2:31 PM
Posted on January 7, 2008 14:31
"Coming up after the break we'll have more 'Mooney's Money Shot', as soon as I've recharged me batteries so to speak."
Posted by Nat King Coleslaw | January 7, 2008 3:19 PM
Posted on January 7, 2008 15:19
Was your one in the right in The Riordans?
Posted by Jack | January 8, 2008 2:12 PM
Posted on January 8, 2008 14:12