Finn: "Jonn Wawters, what do yew say to those who like to use de internetsch?"
Waters: "I say to people, 'Do you blog?' and if you do, please leave my presence immediately-"
Finn: "Vot if they say 'Do you write eurofission song kontest entry? If so, please do not leave my presense until you haff provided sample lyriks"
Waters: "Satanism, goat slaughter-"
Finn: "But if them lyriks are like 'and de archipelagic icicles are melting like the stage' then I say pliss leave my presence immediately"
Waters: "Most interweb content is boobies. And langers. Not forgetting goatse. A man splaying his poopy chute.
Worse than that are bloggers who would attempt to hold opinions which are not derived from the mainstream press. Their hideous pieholes would say 'I think this'; other dissenting pieholes say 'I think that'.
It's chaos. Bloggers would have us disagree and tear our clothes off and stuff vegetables up our arses."
Finn: "Imagine that. Dissenting opinions. Some people I spoke to were quite upset about last year's Eurofission."
Waters: "In a positive way, I imagine."
Finn: "They said, hang on now:

'I am crying, writing this. It was a personification of our fantasies, of our sense of what we were becoming. It was a child.
It was my song and Eoghan’s song and Eamon’s song and Pat’s song and Bertie’s song. It was your song, your little song.
The dream is over. Our Eurovision-winning song is dead. The dream is over. Emigrate now. This country's fucked.'"

Waters: "Was it a blogger?"

Backup audio from Twenty (the big human embodiment of minge batter): http://twentymajor.net/2008/01/10/john-waters-on-blogs/





Regional roundup!


Regional newspapers are a GODSEND when you're a lazy-rumped poltroon like me, so it's a big thankee to papers from the south-west and the north-east.

'Knife strife' ruining life

A Louth county councillor has claimed that his fellow councillors "don't care tuppence ha'penny" about Christmas crime in Drogheda.

Councillor Timmy Sharkey has said that his proposal to ban the sale of turkeys coming up to Christmas would lead to a "massive reduction" in the kind of knife crime which ran rampant in Drogheda over the festive season.

He also said that he was "inundated" with calls from local butcher co-ops who said they would satisfy demand with the boned, rolled and sliced version.

"Serving your Christmas dinner would be as easy as sharing out a sliced pan", he said, "and there would be no need for the knives at all".

However, his colleagues were not so hot on the idea.

"These people place the need to carve their own dinner above the need to protect the general public", he complained, before leaning in close to whisper "Some of them are taking bungs from knife companies, I'm nearly sure of it".



'Romance' resulting from smoking ban

The smoking ban in the southwest is leading to people taking up "smoking for romance", a county councillor said yesterday.

Kilgarvan publican and Kerry county councillor Danny Healy-Rae said he had observed a new phenomenon which has grown since the introduction of the smoking ban in pubs and clubs.

"The last time I observed a new phenomenon was when it was followed by 'doo-doo, dee-doo-doo'", he said.

"People are now smoking for romance. I have seen fellas and women who never smoked before taking up the habit because it means five minutes with her or him they'd never have otherwise," the councillor said.

When the smoker went out the back or the front for the five-minute cigarette break from the pub, the prospective lover followed, taking up the smoking habit just to initiate a meeting.

"It's an ideal situation for these people and an ideal way to meet someone."

"They get a chance they wouldn't otherwise get. But it means more people are smoking, and the ban is leading to harm," Cllr Healy-Rae claimed.

People are also catching cold from going outside, he added.



Finally, Not That Anyone Cares

Album of 2007 was "Dystopia" by Midnight Juggernauts.
If they do not rule the world by this time next year then interplanetary emigration is yer only man.

EP of 2007 was "Bike" by Christ.
Gawd blessim.