Researchers at Ireland's national broadcaster have set the international scientific community abuzz with claims that they have synthesised a product which is "shitter than shit itself".
Members of the highly-secretive Programme Development team at RTE, which is based in Montrose, claim to have made the discovery one night "quite by accident".
A key member of the team, who did not wish to be named, went on to describe the circumstances surrounding the revolutionary find.
"It was late, and most of the team had gone home. We'd been there since early morning trying to think of a new show which would capture the public's imagination. The best that all 14 of us had come up with was some kind of nostalgic angle where we get people to talk about their first kiss and, y'know, we go to great expense to recreate it."
Serious horseshit, in other words.
"I was about to throw in the towel when the concept of 'Marry Me' struck like a bolt from the blue. I just grabbed the marker and attacked the whiteboard."
The results would prove to be earth-shattering.
"We get Pamela Flood on presenting duties. She inveigles people to pop the question in front of the camera. Weirdos. Dimwits. The whole programme builds up to the proposal."
His colleagues were astounded. Some of them started to pitch in.
"Lots of novel ways of proposing are involved. James Bond, Wonder Woman, that kind of thing."
An eerie silence descended.
"The atmosphere in the room was electric. Even as the ink dried, we knew we had a colossal shitburger on our hands."
The exact dimensions of this shitburger were not immediately apparent.
"We pitched it to the guys upstairs and I remember...one of them immediately produced the official shitscale. We easily pipped 'The Afternoon show' and 'The Late Late'. It was only when the shit factor bypassed "You're a star" that we knew we had a truly epic turd on our hands."
A committee from the International Slurry Broadcasting Standards is expected to visit Montrose later this week but are not expected to quibble with the initial findings.
Comments (8)
The Late Late scored a 3, i see.
We are less than Tubridy Tonight?
Right?
Please say yes. It'll wipe the grin off that thundering gobshite.
Posted by Pat Kenny | April 17, 2008 7:33 PM
Posted on April 17, 2008 19:33
hooray, he's back!
Posted by kidney | April 17, 2008 8:03 PM
Posted on April 17, 2008 20:03
Surely the clue was in the name? Yet more tax euros wasted demonstrating the painfully obvious! :-)
Posted by Longman Oz | April 19, 2008 3:58 PM
Posted on April 19, 2008 15:58
Glorious pile o' shite.
Posted by birdbath | April 21, 2008 5:00 PM
Posted on April 21, 2008 17:00
Tell Pat Kenny,
to get out of that garden
Posted by Circle | April 22, 2008 5:59 AM
Posted on April 22, 2008 05:59
I'll go into any garden I wish. But not a lady-garden. The wife has me electronically tagged to see where i go all the time.
Posted by Pat Kenny | April 29, 2008 12:49 AM
Posted on April 29, 2008 00:49
Last guy was not Pat Kenny, I AM real Pat Kenny. I go where i want and ANY garden i want to!
Posted by Pat Kenny | May 19, 2008 4:47 PM
Posted on May 19, 2008 16:47
You're not the real Pat Kenny!
I'll fight you to the death for the title of Pat.
Posted by Pat Kenny (The Real One) | June 16, 2008 11:30 PM
Posted on June 16, 2008 23:30