Curry Chips

Details are emerging of Charlie Sheen's new squeeze - he met her on www.millionairematch.com.

This is fantastic news for Martin and Janet, Charles' proud parents. They both claim to be thrilled that "Charlie is to go on a date with HOTPANTZ_4227".

MillionaireMatch is a wonderful website, and everyone is encouraged to visit.

On the "Free signup" page, you'll see the following:

If your annual income is below $150,000, to create free profile, search and email your dream match - Click here

If your annual income is over $150,000, to create free profile, search and email your dream match - Click here

The difference in the "Click here" buttons is that the poor grotty drongos who earn below 150 wonga go to a webpage with "type=1" in the address. Those who make more than 150 wonga get "type=2" in the address.

It's the story that refuses to lie down, roll over or play dead. Yes, Dan Brown is back with an explosive new book that blows the lid on the supposed death of Hitler's German Shepherd.

"It's bollocks", Brown passionately avers. "History would have us believe that Blondi died with Hitler and Eva Braun in a bizarre triple suicide pact - I'm here to tell you that this is simply not the case. Blondi survived the war and lived to a ripe old age in Buenos Aires."

Elected representatives from across the political divide united earlier today to give their support to "National Toe Awareness" day.

It's caps off to Captain Copyright!

Yes sir, Canadian counterfeiters had best be cautious cause Captain Copyright is on the case.

One click on captaincopyright.ca and you can countenance this courageous character!

That isn't him being struck by lightning, by the way. It's part of a word-balloon.

Anyway, don't be misled by the confusing entry screen. He could hardly have it reading "Teachers enter kids". Captain Copyright holds no stock with that kind of thing, thank you very much.

Onto the site!

Tuesday was the sixth of June.

That may not mean diddly to your average potatohead, but if you write the date down...then you get 06062006.

Okay, that doesn't look particularly sinister, but if you remove all the zeroes...then you get 6626.

Look, fuckit, just forget about the 2! THEN you get...666.

This, according to the Book of Revelations, is Satan's number. It was designed to allow for easier dialling by the single-clawed beasts and ogres and whatnot.

So on with the divilment, as we give a nod to three reliable satanic fixtures in the world of art.

Or maybe, do.

Tim Henman was recently good enough to gurn for this wonderful photo.

This is a cautionary tale of what happens when public transport contrives to bring two volatile elements into close and perilous contact.

Let's just say that I commute from one side of the city to the other. Let's just say that I have a love/hate relationship with my morning bus ride, since it brings me that little bit closer to my fellow basket cases.

This morning, as I attempted to leaf through a history of Attila the Hun, a nice gentleman (let's refer to him as "Mook") sat behind me and took twenty five minutes to really get going on an apple. Allow me to don my Sherlock Holmes hat. Golden delicious, I'll wager, due to the amount of emergency slurping which followed each bite.

Mook did make the effort to eat it quietly, but that just exacerbated the unpleasantness. I would also wager that Mook was suffering from a nasal blockage since HE CHEWED WITH HIS MOUTH OPEN (i.e. plenty of "nyoh nyoh nyoh" instead of "nyom nyom nyom").

A good samaritan recently forwarded me this most important missive, which I now feel compelled to share with the most important people in my life. That'd be you and yours, potatohead.

Strap yourself in, because this will shock you to your very core. At the very least, you should feel some ripples in your outer erogenous zones.

[deep breath]

Butter Vs Margarine

Margarine was originally manufactured to fatten turkeys. When it killed the turkeys, the people who had put all the money into the research wanted a payback so they put their heads together to figure out what to do with this product to get their money back. It was a white substance with no food appeal so they added the yellow coloring and sold it to people to use in place of butter.

Snackbox Diaries is thrilled silly to announce the immediate availability of AbuseOS, the latest release from the volatile Twinksoft corporation.

Parents! Losing sleep because of noisy urchins?

Then shut them the hell up with new NOAH syrup!

Gregorio. He loco? No man, he just throw the best rooftop parties in all of Havana!

Or at least he did until that day he wanted something...a little different.

That was when it all went a little pear-shaped, man.

Valentins ist rounder korner! Oh, smoochen kissy partyparty ja!

Der katalog forder smoochies ist below.

Voting now open for the 2007 Irish Blog Awards
Long list

The story of Jimbob
Introducing AbuseOS from Twinksoft Corporation

[faint coughing noise and shuffling of feet]

An Important Announcement - Free Back or Foot Rub for ALL IBA Nominees

Another year, another long list of Irish Blog Award nominees.

Each one of them no doubt suffering from hunchy spine and achey toe.

So here’s what I propose to do:

There are over 500 nominations for the blog awards. I’m offering to help each and every one of you, FOR FREE.

First off, if you are one of the nominees well done. And here’s the bonus - if you would like instant relief from hunchy spine or achey toe then then read on.

Blame Blogorrah

Once there was a craftsman who had a beautiful daughter.

Now it happened that he got pie-eyed one day and steered his mount unsteadily through the countryside before ploughing into the king's carriage. The king was most unhappy and ordered that the man be hanged and his goolies fed to the buzzards.

"O", said the man, "hang me not for I have a daughter who can spin straw into gold".

"That is an art which pleases me well", said the king, "now be off with you and bring her here tomorrow".

"Here, to where the collision occurred, O that is most strange", said the bruised sot.

"No, you cabbage, to my palace", said the king.

OMG!

La Brunker has totally written her first buke and it's called "Champagne Kisses" and it's got like fit blokes and sweet nectar and explosions going on in your head and love at first sight and whiskings off to New York and...hang on, let a girl catch her breath!

Naturally, currychips has an exclusive extract.